Chapter 9: I’ll take care of you.
We all piled out of the car and began to head toward the front door. Jason quickly locked the car and followed close behind. I walked next to Harry the whole time, our hands brushing each others every once in awhile.
I was still a bit tipsy and was stumbling every now and again, earning a laugh from the boys. As we reached the front porch steps Jason unlocked the front door and we all entered the warm house.
Once I was inside and the door was shut I gripped onto Harry’s shoulder to steady myself as I took off my high heels which were suddenly killing me. He looked at me with an amused expression as I did so. I stuck my tongue out at him and let go of him. The comfort of having my heels off was amazing!
I held both my heels in my left hand before heading toward the stairs. Everyone began to drift into the living room, settling on the couch to watch some TV. I looked over my shoulder as I climbed the stairs only to see Harry staring at me intently, his hands shoved into his front jeans pocket.
I smirked and turned fully around, cocking my head to the side before nodding it toward my room. He smiled and rushed toward the stairs taking them two at a time. I let out a quiet giggle before turning and walking up the stairs again. Not long after he had caught up to me.
We walked toward my room in silence. I opened up my bedroom door and walked in letting out a sigh. I threw my heels into my closet and plopped down on my bed. I heard Harry chuckle as he shut the door and walked over toward the bed. He laid down next to me our legs falling off the end of the bed.
I turned on my side and propped myself up with my elbow, looking down at him. His eyes were closed and his hands were folded on his stomach. He looked peaceful. I smiled slightly and began to take in his amazing features. His plump pink lips and his amazing jaw line. Then his chocolate curls that fell perfectly over his forehead.
I began to slowly trail my eyes down his body, watching his chest rise and fall slowly, rhythmically. His blue v-neck shirt showed just the right amount of skin and his dog tag chain was showing. I looked down at his hands that were masculine and his long fingers, his wrists covered with a couple of bracelets.
“Are you going to stare at me forever?” I jumped at the huskiness of his voice. My eyes shot to his face. His eyes were open and he had a smirk on his lips. I blushed and laid back down, looking up at the ceiling.
He propped himself onto his elbow, his hands still folded, and looked down at me with a smile. I could feel myself start to blush again, so I pushed myself up so I was sitting up right. I took off my blazer and threw it into my hamper as I stood up. I could feel Harry still watching me, but I quickly brushed it off heading for my drawers.
I took out a pair of pink sweats that had LOVE written across the butt and a white Victoria’s Secret shirt with the word PINK on it. I opened up my door and headed toward the bathroom to quickly change.
When I was done pulling on my comfortable clothes I grabbed my dress off the floor and walked back into my room. I shut the door behind me and looked back at Harry. He was laying down with his hands behind his head. I put my dress into my hamper and laid back down next to Harry. We laid there in a comfortable silence for about five minutes until he turned and looked at me.
I slowly turned and looked at him, smiling slightly. “What?” I asked a hint of laughter in my voice.
He shook his head and turned fully, propping himself back up on his elbow. He stared at me for a long time before his eyes began to trail down to my lips. I licked them nervously.
“Annabelle?” he asked his voice deep and soothing.
“Yeah?” I responded, my voice barely a whisper. My heartbeat started to speed up and my palms began to sweat.
“Can I, can I kiss you?” he asked sounding nervous. Our eyes met and I took in a deep breath before nodding slowly.
He leaned in slowly licking his lips. My heartbeat was going crazy and I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I looked down at his lips as he slowly got closer, I could feel his breath now on my face. He looked up at me, our mouths inches away.
He reached his hand up and stroked my cheek with his thumb before leaning in and placing his lips to mine. I never thought I would say this but, as soon as our lips touched it was like fireworks were being set off and it felt like I was floating. Cheesy right? I began to kiss him back passionately. My hand snaking up to his neck keeping it there as his tongue lapped along my bottom lip asking for entrance. I gladly parted my lips as he slid his tongue into my mouth, our tongues colliding.
Just then there was a knock on the door startling us. Harry jumped off of me and we both sat up just as the door opened. Harry shook his curls and pushed them away from his face trying to look casual. Jason stood in the doorway looking at us curiously.
“Oh there you are. We were wonder where you had gone. Do you wanna come down and watch a movie with us?” Jason asked his hand on the doorknob.
Harry looked at me and then back at Jason. “Uh, yeah. Sure.” he then got off the bed and walked over to the door. Jason turned around and soon dissapered down the hall.
Harry stopped in the middle of the doorway and looked back at me. He smiled and ran back to me, crashing his lips to mine once more. Just as fast as his lips touched mine, they left just as fast. He ran back to the door and shut it behind him.
I sat there stunned, my right hand reaching up to my lips gently touching them as the feel of him lingered there. I smiled to myself and began to get under the covers. I got comfortable and turned off my lamp drifting off to sleep.
My head was throbbing and my throat was dry. I felt like shit and I had the worst taste ever in my mouth. I was leaning against the tub exhausted. I had woken up extremely sick, I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom. I basically thrown up everything I had consumed last night. I felt my stomach jump once again and I quickly hovered over the toilet bowl, vomit spewing out from my mouth as I held my hair back.
I coughed a couple of times spitting into the toilet before pulling back and wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my wrist. Oh god, I’m never drinking again. I weakly reached up for the flusher, flushing down my puke. I groaned as I felt a stirring in my stomach. I leaned forward and threw up once again.
“Oh my god.” I coughed spitting again. I leaned back on the tub and closed my eyes trying to think of anything but the pain in my head and the gross taste.
“Are you alright?” I heard a voice come from behind the door. I groaned and reached forward unlocking the door. The door quickly opened only to reveal Harry.
“Oh my god! No! Get out! I don’t want you seeing me like this!” I yelled trying to cover my face and push the door shut with my foot.
He laughed and slipped into the bathroom. “Get out Harry.” I ordered pushing him away from me as he squatted down next to me.
“I’m not going anywhere I’m staying right-” I leaped forward just in time as more puke fell into the toilet. Harry jumped back but held my hair for me. “Gross.” he chuckled rubbing my back.
“Shut up.” I groaned before puking again.
“You probably shouldn’t have taken so man shots.” he laughed still holding my hair and rubbing my back in small circles.
“Harry can you just shut the hell up for five minutes!?” I snapped flushing the toilet.
“Well, feisty aren’t we?” he laughed as I pulled away and leaned against the tub again. He stood up and looked down at me. “You look like death.” he smirked putting his hands in his sweats pockets.
“You don’t say?” I spat sarcastically. I rolled my eyes before closing them.
“I’ll be right back.” he said. I heard the door open and close, silence following.
I sat there taking deep breaths, finally feeling stable. I began to rub my temples softly trying to calm the pulsing in my head. Suddenly the door opened again and I opened my eyes slowly. Harry was shutting the door and had a glass of water in his hand.
“Here.” he smiled squatting down next to me again. He handed me the glass and I gladly took it taking a sip. He opened up his hand and revealed two aspirins. “Take these, it will help.”
I took them from him and popped them in my mouth downing the water he had given me and swallowed the pills quickly. He took the glass from me and set it on the counter.
“Are you okay to get up now?” he asked pushing the hair out of my face. I nodded and he stood up before reaching down and helping me up. “Do you wanna take a shower or something?” he asked holding onto my waist. I nodded and put down the toilet seat and sat me down on top of it. “Do you want your toothbrush?” he asked sweetly. “Where is it?” I pointed toward the medicine cabinet and he quickly opened it pulling it out along with the toothpaste.
He handed it to me and I took it squeezing the tooth paste onto my toothbrush. He opened up the door and headed toward my bedroom. I began to brush my teeth slowly watching him walk around in my room. Not much later he came back with clothes in his hand.
“Here you go.” he set the clothes on the counter and walked toward the shower turning it on. I stood up and spit into the sink, rinsing my mouth and putting my toothbrush away.
“Thank you Harry.” I smiled gratefully.
“No problem love.” he whispered kissing my forehead. “If you need anything call me, I’ll be in Jason’s room.” I nodded and he heading out into the hallway closing the door behind him. I locked the door and shrugged out of my clothes getting into the shower.
After a long hot shower, I finally was feeling a bit better. My head wasn’t hurting as much and I didn’t feel nauseas anymore. I was now laying in my bed snuggled up in my bed comfortably in the clothes Harry had picked for me. I let out a sigh and reached for my remote turning on the TV.
I began surfing though the channels trying to find anything to watch so I could get my mind off Harry. Ever since last night I’ve been unable to stop thinking about that kiss. It was amazing, and felt so so right. And to be honest I wanted it to happen again. I randomly put on a TV show and sat there quietly, trying to concentrate with what was going on in the show, when I heard a knock on the door.
“Come in.” I called turning my head toward the door. Once the door opened I saw Harry standing in the door way smiling slightly.
“Do you feel better?” he asked entering the room. He shut the door behind him and walked toward the bed, sitting down next to my legs.
“Yeah, thanks.” it was quiet for awhile except for the TV which wasn’t very loud.
“So about last night.” Harry said a bit awkwardly.
“Uh yeah, what about it?” I asked sitting up leaning against the headboard of my bed.
“Do you remember what happened?” he asked looking at me. His eyes burning into mine.
I shifted uncomfortably before nodding. I could feel myself blush slightly. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Yeah about that,” he started rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I’m sorry. You were drunk and I shouldn’t have done that, and-”
“Harry.” I said cutting him off. He looked up at me caught off guard. “It’s fine. I’m not gonna lie I enjoyed it.” I admitted blushing.
“Really?” he asked shocked. I nodded and he smiled brightly. “Well so did I.”
I smiled and looked down playing with my hands, my smile slowly fading as that one question kept repeating in my head. “Harry, can I ask you something?” I asked quietly, avoiding eye contact.
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Um, I was wondering where this leaves us. Like, where do we stand now?” I asked nervously, picking at my blanket.
“I’m not sure, I would like to be more than just friends with you Annabelle, I have to admit that, but… you need to know now that I’m not just going to be something you can push away Annabelle. Someone you could just lie to and not let in. You’ll have to trust me, and let me show you that I’m not like Andrew. You can’t put your guard up, you have to trust me.” he said his hand reaching for mine. He intertwined our fingers and I looked up at him.
I let out a sigh and squeezed his hand. “I trust you Harry, oddly enough, but you also have to know I’ve been hurt too many times and lied to so much. I’m not just going to put all that in the past and act like it didn’t happen. I want to let you in and try to be happy, but it just won’t happen as fast as you would probably like. I’m broken Harry, I won’t ever be normal no matter how hard I try. And I know you’re trying to be my hero, but I can’t be saved Harry. It’s just not possible anymore.”
(you might want to play this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpRuWWIgx3s )
“I know you’ve been hurt before, and I know you can’t be easily fixed. But if you let me in, I could take care of you. I could help you.” he looked me straight in the eye and said this.
“Yeah but I’m a mess Harry. I really am, and no one can fix me or try to help me. I’ll always be the same.” I sighed untangling my hand from his.
“Look I’m not gonna sit here and lie to you, telling you you aren’t a mess. I know you’re a mess. You have been ever since your mom died you’re not the same anymore and you never will be. You feel scared and alone. You’re terrified at the idea that someone could actually love you and take care of you. I can love you Annabelle I can, if you would just give me the chance to show you-”
“I want to Harry! I want to! Believe me I do, but I just can’t.” I yelled my eyes watering.
“Why not!? You’ve spent all this time with a guy who makes you unhappy, wanting nothing more then to be happy! Then why don’t you just be with someone that makes you happy! I can make you happy Annabelle! It’s like you’ve had this idea planted in your head for so long that all guys are like Andrew, yet they’re not! I’m not! I could treat you right, and I could be there for you whenever you need me. You keep saying you’re sad and broken, and that all you want is happiness and to know what love feels like, yet you won’t let people in that could potentially give you those things you long for. I could give you those things Annabelle.”
A tear fell from my eye and I quickly wiped it away. What he was saying was all true. I wanted to be happy, but I was never willing to accept it. Harry was here offering happiness to me an a silver platter and yet I was denying it. Going against all that I ever wanted in life.
More tears filled my eyes and began to fall more frequently. Harry grabbed both of my hands and squeezed them.
“Annabelle, when you know what you want, and when you feel you’re ready to be with someone… I’ll be here. I’ll wait. How ever long that will be, I’ll wait.” He whispered reaching up and wiping away a tear with his thumb.
He stood up and let go of my hands, leaning forward and kissing the top og my head. He looked at me one last time before walking towards my bedroom door and leaving. Once the door shut I broke down. My breathing started to come out in short gasps as I began to sob. I buried my face in my palms and tried to muffle the sobs that were coming out uncontrollably.
He was right. Everything he had said to me right now was right. He wanted to be with me, and I just threw it away. I messed up, just like everything I ever do in life. I screwed it all up with Harry. And there was no way to fix it, I would never be ready for him. I won’t ever be enough, I’ll always be a train wreck. And I’ll always be hopeless. I’ll never be happy.
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