Chapter 10: Take the pain away
It was Monday morning and I was walking toward my locker to get my books. It was exactly 8:05 and I had ten minutes to spare before class started. The rest of my weekend had been very quiet and I spent most of my time in my room. I had been really thinking about the last couple of days and what Harry had said to me. Everything he had said to me kept repeating in my head, over and over again.
I was grateful Jason hadn’t picked up Harry when he gave me a ride this morning because that would have been awfully awkward. I wasn’t ready to face Harry, I had no idea what I would say to him. I wanted to avoid him as much as possible until I’ve figured out what I want. One things for sure, I definitely did not want to bump into Andrew. And that’s exactly what I had done.
As I got closer and closer to my locker I saw him leaning against my locker, his hands shoved in his pockets and a smirk on his face as he looked straight at me. My heart rate quickened and I felt my palms get sweaty and I began to feel nervous. Unsteady. I was scared.
I knew Andrew couldn’t do anything to me at school, but even still, I was terrified. Andrew was crazy and he’d do anything he wanted, when he wanted. I took in a deep breath and took one last step toward my locker.
“Excuse me. I need to get into my locker.” I said politely avoiding eye contact. I fixed the strap on my school bag and pulled it higher up on my shoulder.
“We need to talk.”
“I’m done talking to you Andrew. I’m tired of talking, I really am. I’m tired of you apologizing and yelling and pushing and hitting. I’m tired of your lies, and your excuses. I’m tired of you in general, and I’d like it if you would just let me get into my locker.” I said firmly. I ran a hand through my wavy hair letting out a breath.
“Excuse me?” he asked looking shocked.
“No, just stop being a jerk and leave me alone.” I sighed, all the fear vanishing. I was now just fed up with everything at this point. “Andrew just go away alright? You obviously don’t want me, you don’t respect me. And most of all you don’t fucking love me. So get the fuck out of my way.”
He stared at me, not saying a word. I stood my ground, I wasn’t going to crumble in front of him. I was going to look strong and look confident, something I had never done before.
“You know what,” Andrew started looking down at me.
“No you know what, I’ve wasted so much fucking time on you. Trying to convince myself that you’re a good guy and that you love me. But I’m done lying to myself. I’m done lying to everybody. I’m not gonna waste the rest of my life afraid of love. I’m not going to spend my time scared and living in fear, that every guy I meet is going to be an asshole like you were. I’m through with the lying and the manipulating and the abuse. I’ve been blinded by all this crap you put me through, and the way you treated me that I have absolutely no hope for myself. I can’t even look at myself and be happy with the way I am. Because of you. I’ve been hurt by you so many times that I can’t even trust anyone anymore. All I wanted was to be loved Andrew! Loved, that’s all I wanted from you. That’s all.” I could feel a lump forming in my throat and tears rising in my eyes.
“I wanted to feel love, and feel happiness. I wanted to be free from all the misery that had overcome me when my mom died. I wanted you to help me, I wanted you to love me.” I whispered, not trusting my voice. I bit my lip trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to pour out. “I wanted you to save me from myself. But you couldn’t do that. And I know that’s a lot to put on a person, but I thought you could do it. I really did believe you were a good person, I really did. And I still do. Deep down in there, there’s a guy who can love. And can change. And can treat someone right. And I hope and I pray, that you’ll change. And you’ll find someone that can possibly change you Andrew. I may not have hope in myself, but I have hope in you. Even though you put me through hell and hurt me so, so much… I wish you the best. Because I don’t wanna hold a grudge over you, and I don’t want to be filled with hatred forever. I want you to know, that I loved you.” as I said those words, a tear fell from my eyes and quickly wiped it away. “I loved you so much.”
More tears began to fall and I looked up at Andrew, his face had become soft and not so hard and cocky. I sniffled and swallowed before continuing on.
“But sometimes, love isn’t enough to make someone stay. Especially when they’re not happy. I’m letting you go for a reason, that reason being we weren’t happy. I know if I stay here in this horrible relationship, I’ll end up getting more hurt and lied to than I already have. We need our space for each other, and I need to heal. I need to figure out what’s right for me. I’m not going to ruin you. As much as I hate you, and as much as I want to beat you up, and hit you, I just hope that you find whatever it is that makes you happy. I hope you can find happiness because obviously I couldn’t make you happy.” I began to cry even harder, not caring if anyone was watching us.
“I know you hurt me and I know you’ve treated me horribly, but we don’t deserve each other. I deserve someone better. That can actually love me for me and all my flaws. That loves me for my past and my present. Who is willing to put up with my bad days and my good days. Someone who can handle my broken heart. I can’t pretend I’m happy anymore. I’m done pretending. Goodbye Andrew.” I cried turning around and walking toward the restrooms.
As I walked away my shoulders shook and I began to quicken my pace. I placed my hand over my mouth trying to muffle my sobs as I ran straight toward the restrooms. I ran past all the stares and whispers, and the looks I was getting. I just needed to be alone, or even better with Harry.
I pushed open the bathroom door and ran to the sink, gripping the edge of the sink with my left hand as I sobbed into my right. What I had been needing to say for the longest time was finally said and done. I had finally told how I felt about all this to Andrew. The one person that needed to hear it. I never thought I’d be able to do it, to go through with it and let it all out. But I guess I finally just was over everything. I kept everything bundled up for so long that I finally exploded.
I looked into the mirror with a blurry vision. I wiped away my tears and tried to calm down. I couldn’t go back out there looking like this. Hell I couldn’t go back out there period. Everyone was looking at me and I just know they were going to talk and ask questions that I didn’t want to answer.
I turned on the faucet and splashed some water on my face. I wasn’t going to stay here, that was for sure. I quickly dried my face with a paper towel and then turned off the faucet. I looked into the mirror and stared at my reflection. I looked like a mess. My hair was down and naturally wavy, my face was red and blotchy due to all the crying, and my outfit was just plain and simple. Jeans, t-shirt, and a sweater.
I ran a hand through my hair and hitched my bag onto my shoulder before walking toward the door. I reached into my pocket and saw I still had 3 minutes before class. That would be enough time to sneak out of school. I opened up the door with my head ducked down and quickly walked to the parking lot, not making eye contact with anyone.
I could hear whispers as I passed and I could feel eyes on me. I just needed to get out of here, fast. I looked up for once trying to see where I was going, and in those few moments I had seen Harry. He was looking at me with concern in his eyes. I quickly looked away and searched for my car. A part of me wanted to run over to him and hug him. Tell him everything that had just happened. I wanted to go over to him and kiss the crap out of him, but most of all I wanted to tell him that I wanted him. That I NEEDED him.
It was the end of the day and I still hadn’t seen Annabelle. She wasn’t in class today and I didn’t see her at lunch. Something didn’t feel right. I had a feeling something wasn’t right the minute I saw her walking over to her locker and Andrew was there. I wanted to go with her, but of course I felt she would get pissed off or something because of our talk we had. The way she looked at me for those brief moments when she was walking to her car this morning, something in her eyes showed she was in need. She was hurting.
I sighed and hitched my backpack over my shoulder heading out of the building. Loads of people started to pour out of the buildings and into the parking lot. I maneuvered my way past the groups of people trying to get over to Jason’s car.
“Hey man!” I turned to my left and saw Louis, Zayn, and Niall all coming towards me with smiles on their face.
“Hey.” I said as they caught up with me. Louis slapped a hand on my shoulder and started rambling on about his weekend and what he did. I tuned him out and began to search the crowd for any sign of Annabelle.
I looked around the parking lot to see if she had returned, but I didn’t see her car. You see, ever since the talk we had she has been taking her car-that she hardly ever uses- to school. She’s been avoiding me ever since, she doesn’t get rides from Jason and I, and she most definitely doesn’t get them from Andrew. It’s kinda weird how one day we’re really close and the next, she’s distant.
“Harry?” Louis’s hand came in front of my face waving it back and forth. “Harry man, what’s the matter with you?” Louis asked sounding concerned. I turned to him quickly and shook my head furrowing my eyebrows.
“Look, I’ll talk to you later. I have to find somebody.” I replied quickly. I then took off toward Jason’s car.
“Whoa, what’s the rush?” Jason laughed holding his hands up.
“Nothing, uh can I need you to do me a favor.” I said opening up the car door.
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked as soon as we had got on to the highway.
“Nothing, just need her number.” I sighed trying not to sound worried.
“But why? Did something happen? Is she okay?” Jason asked sounding a bit frantic.
“No, no. I just want her number. I have to ask her some things, for class. It’s homework. We have class together.” I stuttered, trying my best to find a good lie. I closed my eyes tightly as I realized my excuse was complete and utter shit.
Jason sighed. “Fine.” he quickly pulled out his phone and handed it to me. I smiled and took it from him, quickly going through his contacts and programming her number into my phone. “Where do you wnt me to drop you off?” Jason asked.
“Uh,” I looked around and clicked call on my phone. “Home.”
I held the phone up to my ear and waited impatiently for her to answer.
“Come on, answer.” I whispered to myself.
“Annabelle.” I whispered closing my eyes and taking in a deep breath.
“Hi, you’ve reached Annabelle. Sorry I couldn’t get to the phone right now, leave a message and I’ll try to call you back. Bye!” her voice machine filled my ears and I groaned waiting for the beep.
“Uh, Annabelle. It’s Harry. I need to talk to you… so when you get his please call me back.” I said hanging up. I sighed and handed Jason his phone back.
I looked down at my phone again and decided to call her once more. I held the phone to my ear and waited. Voice machine. I sighed and hung up just as we turned into my neighborhood. I stared at my phone on my lap, waiting to see if she would ever call me back. But of course, she never did.
He has called me at least 30 times in the past 5 hours. The same number flashing over and over again almost every 10 minutes. I could only assume it was Harry calling me since he’s probably the only one that cares besides Jason. Who surprisingly, hasn’t called me yet.
I sighed and set my phone back on the table. I was at a small diner that was about 2 and a half hours away from my house. I sat in the very back in a small booth that was far from the front door, that was rarely being opened. There were only 3 other costumers in here not including me.
It was awfully quiet in here apart from the sizzling of food or people ordering more coffee. I had ordered a plate of chicken dumplings and had told the waitress to keep them coming. I was starving to be honest. After all those times I had starved myself for Andrew, I guess it just all caught up with me. And of course the fact that I was emotionally unstable, I needed to eat my feelings away.
I grabbed my ice cold glass of Coke off the table and took a big gulp. Those too, were coming nonstop. My phone began to vibrate and I looked down at my phone. Once again it was Harry. I had been ignoring his calls all afternoon, which I was guessing, was getting him worried.
I set my glass back down with a sigh and grabbed my phone, quickly hitting ignore. I had over 10 voicemail messages, all along the lines of ‘Please call me back Annabelle.’ or ‘Are you alright? Please answer me.’ I would have answered after the 21st call, but to be honest, I had no idea what I’d say to him.
Would I just tell him what happened with Andrew? Or would I go on and tell him about how I felt when I was walking to my car and saw him. It was an indescribable feeling, one I’ve never experienced before. It was like, with Harry, all things were possible. Like he was the hope I’ve been looking for all these years.
When I’m with Harry, it’s like the pain goes away and I feel… somewhat HAPPY. It’s weird. He makes me get butterflies, and when he smiles at me it’s like sparks are flying and everything else disappears when he’s near. A part of my mind tells me it’s not right to have in my life. That I shouldn’t screw his life up, but then there’s that part that tells me to go after him. To let him in, to take a risk, and try.
“Miss, would you like another plate?” I looked up quickly and saw the nice middle aged waitress names Sally, who had been serving me all day, looking down at me.
“Yeah. Please.” I smiled handing her my finished plate for her to take. She nodded and walked off toward the kitchen.
I sighed and leaned back in my seat. I looked out the window and looked out the window. The sky was cloudy and it was really windy. It looked like it was about to rain. The clouds big and grey in the sky, the sun was going down so of course it added to the gloominess of outside.
I pulled my tighter around me and crossed my arms over my chest. I needed to think of what I was going to say to Harry. I mean I couldn’t just let him keep calling me and not tell him where I was or that I was okay. He’d have a heat attack. He’s probably going crazy at this point.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back toward the ceiling. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Next time he calls, I’ll answer. 5 minutes later, and my phone was going off again. I snapped my eyes opened and looked down at my phone. Harry.
I slowly reached for my phone and answered the phone. I held it up to my ear and gulped loudly.
“Annabelle?!” Harry’s urgent voice asked from the other end.
“Hi Harry.” I sighed looking down and playing with the hem of my t-shirt.
“Annabelle, where the hell have you been? Are you okay? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all afternoon. You had me worried sick! I was thinking the worst! Are you alright? Where are you?” he asked hurriedly.
“Calm down.” I chuckled shaking my head. “I’m fine, I just needed a break from everything. I’m at uh, I’m at a diner. It’s about 2 and a half hours away from home. I’m fine so you don’t have to worry.” I assured just as Sally came back with my food. I smiled and thanked her silently as she placed the steaming plate in front of me.
“Give me the directions. I’ll go meet you.” he said, I could her shuffling of papers in the background.
“You don’t have to Harry. I‘m fine.” I sighed.
“No, no. I want to. Where is this place at?” he asked quickly. I gave him the directions and we hung up shortly after.
I set my phone down and picked up my fork digging into my food.
Two and a half hours later and the restaurant door opened. I looked up and saw Harry walk in. he was wearing dark blue jeans, white converse, a black RAMONES shirt, and a grey hoodie. He looked around the diner for a few moments until he finally spotted me, way in the back.
He smiled a bright smile that made my stomach flutter, and walked over to where I was.
“Hi.” he said sliding into the booth, sitting across from me.
“Hi.” I replied picking at my half eaten plate of food.
“How long have you been here?” he asked folding his hands in front of him.
“Um, well let’s see. I ditched school around 8:30, and it’s what? 7:30? So I’m guessing, eleven hours?” I smiled picking up my glass and taking a sip.
“You’ve been sitting here for eleven hours straight?!” he asked his eyes wide. I nodded and he shook his head in disbelief. “That’s crazy. How do you just sit here?”
“It’s actually really peaceful here. No noise, no one bothers you except for the occasional waitress. I can really think here. Or I can just pig out. Either way it’s a win, win.” I smiled taking a bit of chicken dumpling.
“And how many plates have you had?” he laughed gesturing toward my plate.
“Mmm, lost count after the sixth.” I smiled. We both laughed and he shook his head.
“Can I have some? I haven’t really ate anything all day, I’ve been to worried.” he sighed looking down.
I pushed my plate toward him and grabbed my napkin wiping my mouth. “You shouldn’t worry about me Harry.” I sighed, leaning forward and folding my arms on the table. I watched as he shoveled the rest of my food into his mouth. I laughed and reached up to his lips, wiping away some sauce from the corner of hips lips with my thumb.
“Thanks.” he mumbled. “But, the thing is,” he continued taking a napkin and wiping his lips. “I care about you Annabelle. I’ve said this I don’t know how many times, but I do. I really do. And when you go M.I.A for hours, I automatically worry. Especially with what has been happening in your life. Of course I’m going to worry.”
I looked down at the table and chewed on the inside of my cheek. ‘Just tell him’ I took in a deep breath and looked back up at Harry.
“Harry, you remember what you told me on Saturday? That you could make me happy, and you could take care of me?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, I took everything you said into consideration, and I fell like I should warn you. I’m not perfect. I’m not like other girls Harry. I’m not normal, so if you’re willing to be with me, you’re gonna have to be willing to be with me through my ups and downs. I get moody, and I get frustrated. And half the time I just want to give up. Quit. I rarely have the days where I feel good about myself. I can barely love myself Harry, I don’t know how I could love another person.
“Most girls, will be able to love you the way you should be loved. I won’t be able to please you, because I’m not whole. It’s not just about being happy anymore. It’s about feeling good about myself. If we were to start a relationship Harry, we’d have to start off slow. I’ll have to warn you that some days I just might want to hang around the house in sweats and a baggy t-shirt. I’m not always going to wanna go to parties every weekend like you like to do. You’re gonna have to love me for me. So I’m warning you now, I’m a risk. One day I can be totally fine, but the next I could be breaking down. Are you ready for all that?” I finished keeping his eye contact the whole time.
He took in a breath and a slow smile crept up onto his lips. “So, are you saying you’re willing to give me a chance?” I smiled and nodded back at him. An even bigger smile appeared on his face. “Yes!” he exhaled thrusting his fist in the air. I laughed and looked back at him.
“But are you willing to take that risk? Are you ready to accept me and all my flaws?” I asked biting my bottom lip.
“Yes.” he nodded looking at me with those gorgeous green eyes of his.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” he smiled biting his lip slightly. I felt a blush rise to my face and I quickly looked away from him.
I had a feeling the decision I made was a good one. Deep down inside of me, a voice was telling me Harry wouldn’t be as cruel as Andrew. He wouldn’t hurt me. Things were beginning to look up for me.
(play this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tcfaf3Rk28Y)
After hours of talking and laughing, and let’s not forget the endless amount of coke’s and pies, we finally began to leave. It was already 10pm and it was pouring rain. We paid the bill and I left a generous tip for Sally since she had been wonderful to us, and we headed toward the door.
“Oh shit!” I squealed as we stepped out of the restaurant. “Ah!” I laughed as we put up our hoods. Harry grabbed my hand and we ran over to a covering by the parking lot.
We jumped over a puddle and landed right under the covering that was blocking us from the pain. The space was quite small and had Harry and I pressed together. We laughed and looked at each other. Even though we were out in the rain for a few moments, we were already soaked. I looked up at Harry and he smiled down at me.
He reached his hand up slowly and pushed away a strand of my wet hair. I stared into his beautiful green orbs and smiled. His eyes drifted down to my lips as his fingers lingered on my cheek. I let my eyes flutter shut as I felt Harry lean in closer.
His lips soon connected with mine and I kissed him back instantly, full of passion. I snaked my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to me. His right hand still on my cheek and his left hand placed gently on my hip. That feeling came back, the fireworks going off and the butterflies in my stomach as our lips moved against each others.
Thunder struck and we pulled apart quickly. We looked up at the sky and laughed, turning back to each other. He placed on last peck on my lips and within that kiss, I felt all the pain and sorrow I had been holding, suddenly vanish for a brief moment.
This was perfect.
omfg. guise i reaallllly love this chapter. omg. feedback would be grreaaat. thanks <3
Chapter 9: I’ll take care of you.
We all piled out of the car and began to head toward the front door. Jason quickly locked the car and followed close behind. I walked next to Harry the whole time, our hands brushing each others every once in awhile.
I was still a bit tipsy and was stumbling every now and again, earning a laugh from the boys. As we reached the front porch steps Jason unlocked the front door and we all entered the warm house.
Once I was inside and the door was shut I gripped onto Harry’s shoulder to steady myself as I took off my high heels which were suddenly killing me. He looked at me with an amused expression as I did so. I stuck my tongue out at him and let go of him. The comfort of having my heels off was amazing!
I held both my heels in my left hand before heading toward the stairs. Everyone began to drift into the living room, settling on the couch to watch some TV. I looked over my shoulder as I climbed the stairs only to see Harry staring at me intently, his hands shoved into his front jeans pocket.
I smirked and turned fully around, cocking my head to the side before nodding it toward my room. He smiled and rushed toward the stairs taking them two at a time. I let out a quiet giggle before turning and walking up the stairs again. Not long after he had caught up to me.
We walked toward my room in silence. I opened up my bedroom door and walked in letting out a sigh. I threw my heels into my closet and plopped down on my bed. I heard Harry chuckle as he shut the door and walked over toward the bed. He laid down next to me our legs falling off the end of the bed.
I turned on my side and propped myself up with my elbow, looking down at him. His eyes were closed and his hands were folded on his stomach. He looked peaceful. I smiled slightly and began to take in his amazing features. His plump pink lips and his amazing jaw line. Then his chocolate curls that fell perfectly over his forehead.
I began to slowly trail my eyes down his body, watching his chest rise and fall slowly, rhythmically. His blue v-neck shirt showed just the right amount of skin and his dog tag chain was showing. I looked down at his hands that were masculine and his long fingers, his wrists covered with a couple of bracelets.
“Are you going to stare at me forever?” I jumped at the huskiness of his voice. My eyes shot to his face. His eyes were open and he had a smirk on his lips. I blushed and laid back down, looking up at the ceiling.
He propped himself onto his elbow, his hands still folded, and looked down at me with a smile. I could feel myself start to blush again, so I pushed myself up so I was sitting up right. I took off my blazer and threw it into my hamper as I stood up. I could feel Harry still watching me, but I quickly brushed it off heading for my drawers.
I took out a pair of pink sweats that had LOVE written across the butt and a white Victoria’s Secret shirt with the word PINK on it. I opened up my door and headed toward the bathroom to quickly change.
When I was done pulling on my comfortable clothes I grabbed my dress off the floor and walked back into my room. I shut the door behind me and looked back at Harry. He was laying down with his hands behind his head. I put my dress into my hamper and laid back down next to Harry. We laid there in a comfortable silence for about five minutes until he turned and looked at me.
I slowly turned and looked at him, smiling slightly. “What?” I asked a hint of laughter in my voice.
He shook his head and turned fully, propping himself back up on his elbow. He stared at me for a long time before his eyes began to trail down to my lips. I licked them nervously.
“Annabelle?” he asked his voice deep and soothing.
“Yeah?” I responded, my voice barely a whisper. My heartbeat started to speed up and my palms began to sweat.
“Can I, can I kiss you?” he asked sounding nervous. Our eyes met and I took in a deep breath before nodding slowly.
He leaned in slowly licking his lips. My heartbeat was going crazy and I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I looked down at his lips as he slowly got closer, I could feel his breath now on my face. He looked up at me, our mouths inches away.
He reached his hand up and stroked my cheek with his thumb before leaning in and placing his lips to mine. I never thought I would say this but, as soon as our lips touched it was like fireworks were being set off and it felt like I was floating. Cheesy right? I began to kiss him back passionately. My hand snaking up to his neck keeping it there as his tongue lapped along my bottom lip asking for entrance. I gladly parted my lips as he slid his tongue into my mouth, our tongues colliding.
Just then there was a knock on the door startling us. Harry jumped off of me and we both sat up just as the door opened. Harry shook his curls and pushed them away from his face trying to look casual. Jason stood in the doorway looking at us curiously.
“Oh there you are. We were wonder where you had gone. Do you wanna come down and watch a movie with us?” Jason asked his hand on the doorknob.
Harry looked at me and then back at Jason. “Uh, yeah. Sure.” he then got off the bed and walked over to the door. Jason turned around and soon dissapered down the hall.
Harry stopped in the middle of the doorway and looked back at me. He smiled and ran back to me, crashing his lips to mine once more. Just as fast as his lips touched mine, they left just as fast. He ran back to the door and shut it behind him.
I sat there stunned, my right hand reaching up to my lips gently touching them as the feel of him lingered there. I smiled to myself and began to get under the covers. I got comfortable and turned off my lamp drifting off to sleep.
My head was throbbing and my throat was dry. I felt like shit and I had the worst taste ever in my mouth. I was leaning against the tub exhausted. I had woken up extremely sick, I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom. I basically thrown up everything I had consumed last night. I felt my stomach jump once again and I quickly hovered over the toilet bowl, vomit spewing out from my mouth as I held my hair back.
I coughed a couple of times spitting into the toilet before pulling back and wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my wrist. Oh god, I’m never drinking again. I weakly reached up for the flusher, flushing down my puke. I groaned as I felt a stirring in my stomach. I leaned forward and threw up once again.
“Oh my god.” I coughed spitting again. I leaned back on the tub and closed my eyes trying to think of anything but the pain in my head and the gross taste.
“Are you alright?” I heard a voice come from behind the door. I groaned and reached forward unlocking the door. The door quickly opened only to reveal Harry.
“Oh my god! No! Get out! I don’t want you seeing me like this!” I yelled trying to cover my face and push the door shut with my foot.
He laughed and slipped into the bathroom. “Get out Harry.” I ordered pushing him away from me as he squatted down next to me.
“I’m not going anywhere I’m staying right-” I leaped forward just in time as more puke fell into the toilet. Harry jumped back but held my hair for me. “Gross.” he chuckled rubbing my back.
“Shut up.” I groaned before puking again.
“You probably shouldn’t have taken so man shots.” he laughed still holding my hair and rubbing my back in small circles.
“Harry can you just shut the hell up for five minutes!?” I snapped flushing the toilet.
“Well, feisty aren’t we?” he laughed as I pulled away and leaned against the tub again. He stood up and looked down at me. “You look like death.” he smirked putting his hands in his sweats pockets.
“You don’t say?” I spat sarcastically. I rolled my eyes before closing them.
“I’ll be right back.” he said. I heard the door open and close, silence following.
I sat there taking deep breaths, finally feeling stable. I began to rub my temples softly trying to calm the pulsing in my head. Suddenly the door opened again and I opened my eyes slowly. Harry was shutting the door and had a glass of water in his hand.
“Here.” he smiled squatting down next to me again. He handed me the glass and I gladly took it taking a sip. He opened up his hand and revealed two aspirins. “Take these, it will help.”
I took them from him and popped them in my mouth downing the water he had given me and swallowed the pills quickly. He took the glass from me and set it on the counter.
“Are you okay to get up now?” he asked pushing the hair out of my face. I nodded and he stood up before reaching down and helping me up. “Do you wanna take a shower or something?” he asked holding onto my waist. I nodded and put down the toilet seat and sat me down on top of it. “Do you want your toothbrush?” he asked sweetly. “Where is it?” I pointed toward the medicine cabinet and he quickly opened it pulling it out along with the toothpaste.
He handed it to me and I took it squeezing the tooth paste onto my toothbrush. He opened up the door and headed toward my bedroom. I began to brush my teeth slowly watching him walk around in my room. Not much later he came back with clothes in his hand.
“Here you go.” he set the clothes on the counter and walked toward the shower turning it on. I stood up and spit into the sink, rinsing my mouth and putting my toothbrush away.
“Thank you Harry.” I smiled gratefully.
“No problem love.” he whispered kissing my forehead. “If you need anything call me, I’ll be in Jason’s room.” I nodded and he heading out into the hallway closing the door behind him. I locked the door and shrugged out of my clothes getting into the shower.
After a long hot shower, I finally was feeling a bit better. My head wasn’t hurting as much and I didn’t feel nauseas anymore. I was now laying in my bed snuggled up in my bed comfortably in the clothes Harry had picked for me. I let out a sigh and reached for my remote turning on the TV.
I began surfing though the channels trying to find anything to watch so I could get my mind off Harry. Ever since last night I’ve been unable to stop thinking about that kiss. It was amazing, and felt so so right. And to be honest I wanted it to happen again. I randomly put on a TV show and sat there quietly, trying to concentrate with what was going on in the show, when I heard a knock on the door.
“Come in.” I called turning my head toward the door. Once the door opened I saw Harry standing in the door way smiling slightly.
“Do you feel better?” he asked entering the room. He shut the door behind him and walked toward the bed, sitting down next to my legs.
“Yeah, thanks.” it was quiet for awhile except for the TV which wasn’t very loud.
“So about last night.” Harry said a bit awkwardly.
“Uh yeah, what about it?” I asked sitting up leaning against the headboard of my bed.
“Do you remember what happened?” he asked looking at me. His eyes burning into mine.
I shifted uncomfortably before nodding. I could feel myself blush slightly. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Yeah about that,” he started rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I’m sorry. You were drunk and I shouldn’t have done that, and-”
“Harry.” I said cutting him off. He looked up at me caught off guard. “It’s fine. I’m not gonna lie I enjoyed it.” I admitted blushing.
“Really?” he asked shocked. I nodded and he smiled brightly. “Well so did I.”
I smiled and looked down playing with my hands, my smile slowly fading as that one question kept repeating in my head. “Harry, can I ask you something?” I asked quietly, avoiding eye contact.
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Um, I was wondering where this leaves us. Like, where do we stand now?” I asked nervously, picking at my blanket.
“I’m not sure, I would like to be more than just friends with you Annabelle, I have to admit that, but… you need to know now that I’m not just going to be something you can push away Annabelle. Someone you could just lie to and not let in. You’ll have to trust me, and let me show you that I’m not like Andrew. You can’t put your guard up, you have to trust me.” he said his hand reaching for mine. He intertwined our fingers and I looked up at him.
I let out a sigh and squeezed his hand. “I trust you Harry, oddly enough, but you also have to know I’ve been hurt too many times and lied to so much. I’m not just going to put all that in the past and act like it didn’t happen. I want to let you in and try to be happy, but it just won’t happen as fast as you would probably like. I’m broken Harry, I won’t ever be normal no matter how hard I try. And I know you’re trying to be my hero, but I can’t be saved Harry. It’s just not possible anymore.”
(you might want to play this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpRuWWIgx3s )
“I know you’ve been hurt before, and I know you can’t be easily fixed. But if you let me in, I could take care of you. I could help you.” he looked me straight in the eye and said this.
“Yeah but I’m a mess Harry. I really am, and no one can fix me or try to help me. I’ll always be the same.” I sighed untangling my hand from his.
“Look I’m not gonna sit here and lie to you, telling you you aren’t a mess. I know you’re a mess. You have been ever since your mom died you’re not the same anymore and you never will be. You feel scared and alone. You’re terrified at the idea that someone could actually love you and take care of you. I can love you Annabelle I can, if you would just give me the chance to show you-”
“I want to Harry! I want to! Believe me I do, but I just can’t.” I yelled my eyes watering.
“Why not!? You’ve spent all this time with a guy who makes you unhappy, wanting nothing more then to be happy! Then why don’t you just be with someone that makes you happy! I can make you happy Annabelle! It’s like you’ve had this idea planted in your head for so long that all guys are like Andrew, yet they’re not! I’m not! I could treat you right, and I could be there for you whenever you need me. You keep saying you’re sad and broken, and that all you want is happiness and to know what love feels like, yet you won’t let people in that could potentially give you those things you long for. I could give you those things Annabelle.”
A tear fell from my eye and I quickly wiped it away. What he was saying was all true. I wanted to be happy, but I was never willing to accept it. Harry was here offering happiness to me an a silver platter and yet I was denying it. Going against all that I ever wanted in life.
More tears filled my eyes and began to fall more frequently. Harry grabbed both of my hands and squeezed them.
“Annabelle, when you know what you want, and when you feel you’re ready to be with someone… I’ll be here. I’ll wait. How ever long that will be, I’ll wait.” He whispered reaching up and wiping away a tear with his thumb.
He stood up and let go of my hands, leaning forward and kissing the top og my head. He looked at me one last time before walking towards my bedroom door and leaving. Once the door shut I broke down. My breathing started to come out in short gasps as I began to sob. I buried my face in my palms and tried to muffle the sobs that were coming out uncontrollably.
He was right. Everything he had said to me right now was right. He wanted to be with me, and I just threw it away. I messed up, just like everything I ever do in life. I screwed it all up with Harry. And there was no way to fix it, I would never be ready for him. I won’t ever be enough, I’ll always be a train wreck. And I’ll always be hopeless. I’ll never be happy.
hope you guys liked it :3 feedback= GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT! :D <3
Chapter 8: Everything is okay.
It was almost 3 in the morning and after 5 rounds of shots, 3 beers, and one rum and coke I was left all by myself. Andrew had left me to go get some drinks, but never came back. I didn’t think much into it, I kept telling myself that he was either waiting in a long line at the keg, or he had to go to the bathroom. Yet deep down inside I knew the real answer. He was with someone else.
I stumbled my way through the crowd with a blurred vision and a beer in my hand. I managed to make it to the front door without falling or injuring myself, pretty impressive especially at my state. I giggled to myself and walked out into the cold night air. I shivered a bit and pulled my blazer tighter around me. I needed to find Andrew.
I walked cautiously down the porch steps, the strong bass slowly being muffled as I walked farther and farther away from the huge house. I walked all around the house calling Andrew’s name. Yet nothing. I walked around back taking a sip of my drink and holding on to the brick wall tryign to stay balanced.
“Andrew!” I called trying to stay upright. “Where are you?!” My words slurred as I walked towards the backyard.
The backyard was filled with people dancing, playing drinking games, and laughing. Basically having a great time, something I promised I would have tonight. I downed the last of my drink and threw my cup to the floor before walking over to where everyone was dancing. I made my way through everyone slowly swaying to the beat, when I saw a familiar face.
“ZAYN!” I squealed throwing my arms up and wrapping them around his neck.
“Hey Annabelle.” he laughed hugging me back slightly. I pulled away and smiled up at him.
“Let’s dance!” I cheered just as another song began to play. This one upbeat and fun. I grabbed his hand and began to sway my hips to the beat of the music.
At first he stayed still not knowing what to do, but slowly began to cooperate and dance along with me. We must have danced for hours until I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder. I turned around quickly and saw Harry staring down at me with those amazing green eyes. I smiled widely and turned completely so my back was toward Zayn.
“Harry! There you are!” I yelled hugging him. “Let’s go dance yeah!?” I asked pulling away. “you don’t mind do you?” I asked turning around to look at Zayn. He smiled and shook his head.
“Not at all.” he said
“Awesome! Come on then! Let’s go inside though. It’s cold.” I shivered pulling Harry toward the house.
“Annabelle, are you sure you wanna do this? I mean what about An-” Harry started as we entered the house. I spun around cutting him off.
“Fuck Andrew! I wanna have fun and that’s what I’m going to do.” I snapped turning back around and pulling him into the living room where more people were dancing.
Just as we reached the middle of the room Rihanna’s ‘Cockiness’ began to play. I smiled up at Harry and began to sway my hips slowly matching the beat. I rested my hands on his shoulders as he gripped my hips dancing along with me. He pulled me closer to him and I smirked slightly, tangling my fingers into his curls.
I ran my hands down his torso, moving my hips seductively before turning around so my back was pressed closely against his front. I danced along to the beat letting my eyes flutter shut as I enjoyed this moment. I snaked my arms behind me and around Harry’s neck resting them there as I felt his hot breath hit my neck. I began to grind my butt against his crouch, making him grip onto my hips even tighter. I could hear a small groan escape from his lips making me smirk to myself.
(play this if you want. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuaDVKCb5u8)
The song ended and another began to play quickly after. Chris Brown’s ‘Private Dancer’ began to play and more people began to enter the living room to dance.
I turned around facing Harry. I pressed my forehead to his and looked into his gorgeous eyes. He smiled down at me and I wrapped my arms around his neck as we began to dance slowly to the rhythm. His arms wrapped around my waist tightly and pulled me even closer to him. I smiled at him and ran my fingers through his curls.
His hands trailed down slowly to my ass squeezing it slightly. I didn’t care who was around, or how many people were staring at us, all I cared about was the fact that I was with Harry, and I was actually having a good time. I knew people were most likely staring at us. Wondering what the hell we were doing. I could practically hear their thoughts. ‘Why isn’t she with Andrew?’ ‘Why is someone as hot as Harry Styles dancing with HER?’
I smiled to myself and looked to my left where sure enough a group of girls were giving me dirty looks. And of course, who was in that group of girls? Lacey. Her blue eyes glared at me intensely, her knuckles turning white as she gripped onto her beer bottle. I smirked at her and shrugged before turning back to Harry.
She stared up at me with those beautiful eyes as we danced along to the slow song that was playing. I knew that what we were doing was a huge risk, that any moment Andrew could storm in here and start a fight. But right now, I could care less. I wanted to enjoy every second I had with Annabelle.
The song ended and quickly pulled away. I looked at her confused ad she grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd toward the kitchen. She let go of my hand and walked over to the island in the middle of the kitchen grabbing two cups.
I watched as she walked to the keg and filled the two red cups. She looked up at me and smiled before handing me one of the cups. I took it gratefully and took a drink. She did the same and took my hand again, leading us through the crowd.
“Where are you taking me now?” I laughed as we walked toward the living room. She stopped and pushed me against the wall. I looked at her in surprise and she smiled up at me.
“Hold this, and stay here. I’ll be back.” she slurred handing me her cup. I watched her as she walked away toward the hallway.
I sipped my beer as I leaned against the wall waiting for her to come back. 10 minutes passed and she still wasn’t back. I started to look around the living room trying to spot her, that was until I heard a loud banging noise. I set the cups down on the table next to me and maneuvered through the crowd.
“Hold this, and stay here. I’ll be back.” I ordered my words slurring. I handed him my cup and I walked away toward the hallway, going straight for the bathroom.
I quickly entered the empty bathroom and locked the door behind me. I pulled up the bottom of my dress and pulled down my panties before sitting on the toilet. I hurriedly did my business, eager to get back to Harry. Once I was done with that, I wiped myself and flushed the toilet. As I was pulling back on my panties I stumbled a bit into the wall. I let out a giggle and pulled down my dress, walking toward the sink.
I washed my hands and looked into the mirror trying my best to straighten myself out. I reached into my clutch and grabbed my lip gloss putting some on. I ran my hand through my hair and put my lip gloss back in my purse before opening up the door. As soon as I walked out I saw him. Andrew.
“Where the hell have you been?” He asked, anger in his eyes.
“No, I think the question is where the hell have YOU been!?” I said crossing my arms.
He looked at me shocked before answering. “I was upstairs.”
“Why were you upstairs? I thought we were suppose to be ‘together’ at this party Andrew!” I yelled un crossing my arms.
“Look let’s talk about this somewhere private. Come on.” he said grabbing my arm and pulling me back into the bathroom.
“No!” I yelled yanking my arm away from him. He turned around and looked at me. “I’m not going in there with you.” I said stepping away from him.
“Annabelle, come on.” he said through clenched teeth. His hand resting on the doorknob.
“No.” I said taking another step back.
“Don’t be childish, come on.” he rolled his eyes stepping forward and grabbing my arm roughly pulling me towards him. I dropped my clutch and used all my strength to push him away from me.
He let go of me instantly as he stumbled backwards, his back crashing loudly against the wall. Everyone looked at us shocked, even Andrew was shocked.
“No! fuck you Andrew! I’m fucking tired of you! Get the fuck away from me!” I yelled a burst of adrenaline shooting through me.
“What the fuck!? How dare you!” he yelled standing up straight and walking toward me. “You think you can talk to me like that even though you’ve been dry humping Styles all night?! I don’t think so!” he spat grabbing my arm.
“Let go of me!” I yelled pushing him away from me again. I gripped onto my arm squeezing it tightly. “Ow!” I yelped as his grip tightened even more.
“Hey! Let go of her!” I heard someone yell. Next thing I knew a hand grabbed Andrew’s shoulder, turning him around and a fist flying, hitting Andrew square in the face.
Andrew’s stumbled back into the wall again. I looked up and saw Harry, pure anger spread across his face. His hands were rolled up into fists and his chest was rising and falling rapidly. I turned and looked back at Andrew who looked outraged. I gasped just as Andrew charged after Harry tackling him to the floor.
A couple gasps a screams filled the room as the music stopped and people moved away. Andrew sat on top my Harry grabbing the front of his shirt punching him repeatedly. My hands covered my mouth in shock as I watched Harry ht hit over and over again. Tears filling my eyes.
“Stop!” I screamed. Not knowing what to do. I ran my fingers through my hair tugging slightly. “Oh my god! Stop!”
Some how Harry managed to flip Andrew over and began to punch Andrew. Tears began to spill from my eyes as I saw David and Cameron appear. They pulled Harry off of Andrew and soon enough began to beat up Harry. David held back Harry as Cameron threw punches at Harry’s stomach. Harry groaned and became limp.
“No! Please!” I yelled just as Andrew got up and pulled Cameron away. Andrew threw a couple punches before I ran toward him pushing him with full force away from Harry.
We slammed into the wall and fell to the floor, my head hitting the hard floor. I winced in pain and tried my hardest to push away the pain and keep Andrew pinned down. Andrew quickly pushed me away throwing me to the side trying to get up. I grabbed on to his leg desperate to stop him.
“Get the fuck off me!” he yelled grabbing my hair and yanking it roughly.
“Ow!” I screamed as he pulled me off his leg.
“Hey what the fuck!” I heard Zayn’s voice yell. I looked up and saw Zayn grab David and punch him. Louis appeared next to Zayn and quickly grabbed Cameron pushing him against the wall as he continued to hit him.
“What the fuck did you do to my sister!?” I heard Jason yell. I turned around and saw Jason standing behind me looking pissed off. “How dare you!” he yelled before running toward Andrew and grabbing the front of his shirt and pushing him against the wall. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Messing with my sister like that! No one! NO FUCKING ONE treats a girl like that! I don’t care who you are!” Jason yelled shaking Andrew.
“Jason please.” I whimpered rubbing my head as tears began to pour down my face.
“No Annabelle, he hurt you!” Jason yelled looking over at me.
“Yeah, well she deserved it!” Andrew yelled looking over at me as well.
“Oh hell no!” Harry yelled running toward Andrew. Jason pushed him back in which I finally realized what was going on.
Zayn and Louis were holding back David and Cameron, which were pretty badly beaten up. Then Jason had Andrew pinned against the wall, and to top it all off, Liam and Niall were trying to hold back Harry as he tried to get to Andrew. I of course was a mess on the floor with everyone to see.
“Stop please.” I said in a low voice. No one heard me.
“Let me go! I need to hit this fucking asshole!” Harry yelled struggling to get away from Liam and Niall’s grip.
“Yeah, what are you going to do? Hit me with your sorry ass punches?” Andrew scoffed rolling his eyes.
“Says the guy who’s bleeding and has a black eye.” Harry retorted.
“Oh my fucking god! What the hell did you guys do! Get the fuck out of my house! Now!” We all turned our attention to Kara who was coming down the stairs buttoning up her top. “Now! Get out!” she screamed pointing toward the door.
Zayn and Louis dropped David and Cameron to the floor and walked over to where Liam and Niall were.
“Come one man let’s go.” Zayn said tapping Jason’s shoulder.
“Alright, but I swear. You try and talk to my sister again and I’ll personally come to your house and beat the shit out of you! You hear me!” Jason yelled shaking Andrew before throwing him to the floor.
Jason walked toward me and helped me up just as Liam and Niall walked past us with Harry still in their grip. Zayn and Louis followed close behind.
“Are you all right?” Jason asked picking up my clutch and handing it to me. I nodded and took it form him.
“Yeah. Let’s just go home.” I whispered walking toward the front door.
“Oh my god! Andrew are you okay!” I turned around and saw Kara running toward Andrew.
“Yeah I’m fine babe.” he said looking over at me. I quickly turned around and walked as fast as I could out of the house.
As soon as I got outside I saw Harry yelling and the boys trying to keep him away from the house.
“No! let me get back in there!” Harry yelled pushing away the boys’ hands. “I’m not gonna let him get away with this! Let me go!” Jason ran around me and toward Harry. He was saying something to Harry that I couldn’t hear.
Apparently Harry wasn’t pleased with what he said because he immediately started struggling to get through the boys.
“Fuck no! Let me go!” he yelled once again. “He hurt her! Did you see how he treated her!? He deserves to get his ass beat!” I began to walk down the porch steps slowly.
All I wanted was to have fun, and what do I get? Drama. A huge fight that is now causing problems with people that shouldn’t be involved. I just wanted to have a nice night full of partying and drinking. Everything was fine until I went to the bathroom. I should have never left. I should have stayed with Harry. I could be dancing with him right now, carefree, everything would be perfect. But no. nothing can ever be perfect for me. Nothing.
I ran a hand through my hair and walked over to where the boys were. I sighed and pushed past the boys who were looking at me shocked.
“Annabelle, I wouldn’t-” Louis started. I turned around and shot him a glare in which he held up his hands in defense.
“Harry.” I said grabbing his face. “Look at me.” I turned his face so he had no choice but to do what I said. “It’s fine okay. I’m fine, there is no need to be angry anymore. Just drop it.” I whispered trying to sound calm.
“No. Annabelle he hurt-” he started to raise his voice again.
“When hasn’t he hurt me Harry?” I whispered quietly so only he could hear. “Look, what’s done is done. Just please calm down. I don’t want to start anymore trouble.” he started to relax slightly.
“Please. For me.” I begged looking him straight in the eyes.
He took in a deep breath before nodding. I smiled and hugged him tightly. It took him awhile to hug me back, but once he did, I instantly felt safe.
“Thank you Harry. For what you did.” I whispered into his ear closing my eyes.
“You’re welcome, even though I didn’t get there in time.” he whispered back. I shook my head and pulled away.
“It’s fine. I didn’t get hurt that bad.” I lied. I could already feel a bruise forming on my arm where Andrew had grabbed me. “Now, let’s go home.” I said to everyone. They all nodded and we walked in silence to the car.
So yeah. hopefully you like it. um the whole fighting part is annoying me. lol i don’t really like it and it took me like 5ever to get it somewhat acceptable but, i don’t know man i’m not so happy with it still /;
Eh, anyways, feedback would be awesome! (:
Ariana and Zayn for my fanfic(s)- Time Will Tell and The Truth About Us
i kinda like this one guys ;p
Chapter 7: You deserve so much more…
“Don’t worry Jason. I’m with her now. She’s safe.” Harry said softly into the phone. I sat there quietly with my head rested on Harry’s shoulder listening to the conversation. “Jason, she’s fine…” Harry said trailing off slightly. “I think.” he whispered looking down at me. “Look, I gottta go alright. Bye.” he said before hanging up.
He let out a sigh and pulled me closer to him. I closed my eyes and tried to find something to say to Harry. I wanted to say thank you, but it felt like thank you wasn’t enough. He had done so much for me in the last 24hours that it seemed like thank you wouldn’t cut it.
“So, are you ever going to tell me what happened? I mean what really happened.” Harry said breaking the silence. I opened my eyes and pulled away from him. I looked down at my lap and took in a deep breath. I should tell him, I could trust him. I think. I nodded slowly before looking up at him.
He sat there patiently waiting for me to say something. I had no idea where to start or what to say for that matter. “It’s a long story Harry.” I whispered looking into his eyes.
“I have time.” he said smiling slightly.
“I don’t know where to start.” I sighed honestly.
“Start from the beginning?” he suggested.
“What? You want my whole life story then?” I asked jokingly.
“If that would make things easier then yeah. I suppose so.” he shrugged.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” I asked hesitantly.
“Positive. Start from where it all began.” he replied smiling. I let out a sigh and prepared to tell him.
“Well, when I was 5 my dad of course left my mom and I. For obvious reasons, he wanted a better life. He left my mom to fend for herself and take care of a kid. She did it all without anyone’s help. She cooked, she cleaned, she went to work everyday, and still managed to come home and read me a bedtime story. She was the best mom ever. Even if she was in the worst mood ever, she would always be there for me to talk about my day or play dolls with me. She always knew how to keep a smile on her face even when she was tired and hurting inside. She was my role model, my hero.” tears began to form in my eyes. I quickly forced them back and continued on.
“When I was nine she got diagnosed with cancer. I didn’t quite know what had happened to her or why she started to become even more tired and even more sad, I just thought times were getting tough and money was becoming tight. One day my Aunt came over and started to help my mom out. My Aunt sat me down that night and told me everything. I cried myself to sleep that night for the first time ever. My Aunt stayed with us for a couple of weeks but soon had to leave and go back to her job in New York. When she left she told me it was now my turn to take care of my mom.”
“I helped my mom through everything, up until I was 13… When she finally passed away. I remember that day so clearly. I was sitting there next to her in the hospital, holding her hand. It was horrible. That feeling I had was indescribable, it was so painful to watch my own mother lying there slowing dying in front of me. I would never wish that pain on anybody, not even my worst enemy. It’s crazy how one minute someone could be happy and fine, and the next depressed and hurting. I felt so helpless sitting there with her. I couldn’t do anything! I wanted so badly to take the pain away from my mom, I wanted so badly to make her feel better, but there was nothing I could do. But sit, and watch.”
“When my mom finally passed, I sat there for a good hour crying my eyes out, screaming. The doctors tried to calm me down but it was worthless. They put me into foster care for the time being until my dad came to pick me up. I had a feeling he wouldn’t show up but of course he did. He looked irritated though, like he didn’t want me. And ever since that day he made it very clear he didn’t want me, showing no interest in my existence. I had to leave everything when I came to live with him. I lost all my friends and became a loner basically.”
“It was like that from then on, being very quiet and being alone all the time. At first I didn’t mind being alone, I liked the silence, but soon silence turned into my worst enemy. It ate me up, tore me down, made me a mess. The thoughts that went on in my head were not pleasant, and they still aren’t. when I was fourteen I sat in the bathroom staring at my reflection. Not quite happy with myself. That night, for the first time ever, I took a blade to my wrist and hurt myself. Ever since then it just became a instinct, an often habit.” I whispered looking down at my arms.
“But why did you do it?” Harry asked quietly.
“I guess you could say I did it because I truly hated myself. I hated my appearance, where I had to live, and not to mention the fact that I wasn’t wanted.” I replied looking back up at him.
“Yeah but Jason was here. He was nice wasn’t he?” Harry asked.
“Yes, but sometimes one person isn’t enough Harry. It’s not enough to stop me from feeling this way. Nothing can stop me from feeling this way. In fact I’m not even sure I can feel anymore. I’ve been broken down too many times, I’ve been hurt, and neglected. It’s like I’m completely numb now. The one time I actually felt loved was when I met Andrew. I thought he actually loved me, and that he actually cared, but of course that was all fake. I just wanted to be loved, that was all I asked for. All I wanted was to love and be loved, but I’m afraid I have no idea what love is. I’ve never came close to love, at all.” Tears began to swell in my eyes, this time I didn’t wipe them away.
“Andrew never showed me that. All he ever showed me was anger and hate. I never really knew what I did wrong. I did everything he asked and more, but it never satisfied him. I was 16 when Andrew first lost all control.” I stopped to look back at Harry. His brow was furrowed and he had a look of confusion on his face.
“What do you mean, ‘lost all control’?” He asked slowly, worry slowly creeping onto his face.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I can do this, I told myself. I opened my eyes and looked straight into Harry’s green ones.
“He hit me.” I said cringing slightly. Harry’s eyes grew wide and his mouth opened slightly before anger washed over his face and his hands balled up into fists.
“He did what!?” he yelled anger lacing each word.
“Calm down. Relax, let me explain.” I whispered grabbing his hands. “We were here, in my room and we got into an argument over something stupid and I went to grab his shoulder and he turned around and smacked me. At first I was shocked, completely speechless. I had no idea how to react, but when he grabbed my arms and began to shake me, yelling at me calling me names, I just cried. That’s how it’s always been. No reactions, just tears and sobs, and pleas for him to stop. After he left he had called me and told me he was sorry and that it would never happen again, but little did I know things would get worse.”
“Slaps soon turned into punches, and shakes turned into kicks, and simple name calling turned into controlling what I ate and what I wore and who I hung out with. He basically controlled everything I did. I just became used to not being in control. I soon lost myself, I forgot who I was. Like I stopped eating entirely, being cautious of what I looked like. I became more insecure then ever. The cutting came more frequently and the beatings became like a routine. Did something wrong, looked at someone else, I’d get hit or shoved into a wall. That leads to the incident at school that one day. When you told off Andrew, I never really got to thank you for that though, even though it did cost me. He threw me into a pillar and yelled at me. He thought we had something going on, that’s why I told you to stay out of it.”
“I’m so sorry I caused that-” Harry started but I quickly cut him off.
“It’s fine, I’m used to it. I’ve gotten worse. For example yesterday night.” I whispered looking down.
“What happened that night Annabelle?” Harry asked lifting my chin up.
I let out a sigh. “I caught him cheating basically, not for the first time though, and he told me to meet him at the park. When I got there he tired to explain and say he was sorry, but I was fed up with him, so I tried to break up with him. When I did that it unleashed a whole other level of anger. He threw me around, kicked me, hit me until I literally couldn’t move. He told me I couldn’t break up with him because he apparently says when things are ‘over‘. He left me in that park alone and hurting. I had nowhere else to go, and so I went to your house. I honestly have no idea why I went to your house, and I’m sorry if I caused trouble and-”
“Don’t be sorry Annabelle.” Harry whispered grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently. I smiled a small smile at him and wiped away a tear I hadn’t realized fell.
“Anyways, I was in such pain that I wanted it to all end. That’s why when you came back I was trying to kill myself. I’m sorry if that scared you or whatever, but I was out of it. I told you not to leave me alone because I knew I would do it. I can’t be left alone Harry, I’m a suicidal mess, but it’s like I can never gain enough courage to push down when I do it. It’s like a part of me knows better, not to do it. Like that tiny part of me is telling me something each time I cut. It tells me to not push down, to stop, put the blade down and go to bed. It’s like it tries to tell me that there is good still left in the world. That there is hope for me, that someone cares for me, and could possibly love me. But, it’s never loud enough to convince me fully.”
“All I want is to be happy, but I’m afraid I don’t even know how to be happy anymore. I’ve been unhappy for so long, it’s like happiness doesn’t even exist anymore. I’ve been through so much Harry, so much. The pain I’ve felt could last a whole lifetime! Harry, I’ve been secretly falling apart and no one has even noticed. No one’s showed me they care enough to get involved in my life, or to actually stay with me.” At that moment I began to tear up, but this time I didn’t hold it back. I let the tears fall, I let it all out.
“Annabelle, I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sorry you have these thoughts that you’re not good enough and that you’re worthless, but trust me, you’re not. You’re not even close to worthless. Annabelle, you’re beautiful, inside and out. You deserve so much more than this shitty life of yours. You should know that I care, I care a lot about you Annabelle. I can’t promise to fix all your problems Annabelle, but I can promise you this.” Harry said lifting my chin with his finger. He placed both his hands on my cheeks and brushed away a tear with his thumb. “You won’t have to face your problems alone. I’ll be right here whenever you need me.”
“Thank you Harry. For everything.” I whispered smiling slightly. He nodded and pulled me into a hug.
“And as for Andrew, I’ll handle that asshole.” Harry said. You could hear the anger in his voice. I shot my head up and looked up at him worried.
“No, Harry. Please, don’t. Just leave it okay. I don’t want you getting involved. Please, leave it?” I begged hugging him tighter.
“No Annabelle.” Harry said pulling away and grabbing my hands. “He HIT you. He has no right to hit you! What the fuck? You actually think I’m going to just leave that kind of thing alone? I’m going to kill him for what he did to you.” Harry spat, anger flashing over his face.
I let go of his hands and gripped his face, forcing him to look at me. “Harry, please. Andrew is crazy, please, don’t do anything. Just leave it” I pleaded.
“Fine, but I can’t promise you I’m gonna take this lightly. I swear to god, if he even says one cruel fucking comment to you, I’m beating his ass to a pulp. I swear Annabelle.” Harry said seriously. I nodded and let go of his face looking down at my lap.
Harry wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close again kissing the top of my head. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath trying to relax a bit even though my arm still hurt so bad. Just then my phone went off and startled me a bit.
I snapped my eyes open and looked over at my phone. I reached into my pocket and grabbed it. It was a text from Andrew. I sighed and opened it, scared as to what it might say.
‘Don’t forget about the party tonight. I’m picking you up at nine, you better be ready.’
I closed the message and set my phone down on the bed. I forgot he wanted me to go to that party with him. I didn’t want to go, but I knew I had to. If I didn’t, I’d get an even worse beating then before. I clenched my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Fuck.” I whispered trying to think of what to do.
“What’s wrong?” Harry asked rubbing small circles on my back.
“Andrew, Andrew wants me to go to this stupid party with him tonight, and I absolutely HAVE to go.” I responded looking at him.
“You mean Kara’s? I’m going to that one, well the boys are. I could tag along? Then if something happens I’ll be there with you. Only if you want though.” Harry suggested shrugging slightly.
“Really? You’d go?” I asked slightly surprised.
“Yeah.” he said smiling. I smiled and hugged him tightly.
“Thanks Harry.” I whispered.
I really was relieved when he said he’d go. I didn’t want to go knowing Andrew would most likely treat me like crap and leave me alone for the rest of the night, but since Harry was going to be there I knew I’d be safe.
Harry had gone home two hours ago and I was now curling my hair getting ready for the party. It was nice just laying down with Harry and just talking. I got to know a lot more about him and what not. He really is such a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to have him. He’s an amazing person.
As I curled my hair I watched a bit of TV, every now and then glancing at the clock. It was now 7:30 and I had plenty of time. I finally finished up my hair, spraying a light amount of hairspray on my curls so they would last all night. I walked out of my room and into the bathroom to start doing my make-up.
I applied foundation and blush then did my mascara. After that I added a slightly glittery eye shadow, then a pink tinted lip-gloss. When I was done with my face make-up I began to cover up any bruises on my arms and legs since I was wearing a short dress that was strapless. Once I covered up enough bruises, I put everything away and walked back to my bedroom.
I shut and locked the door behind me and headed to my bed to put on my dress. I shrugged out of my clothes and slipped on my light peach colored dress that clung on to my body, showing off my curves. I adjusted the dress so it would stay in place then slipped on a cream colored blazer.
I walked to my closet and grabbed my silver-sparkly stilettos. I slipped those on and walked over to the mirror. My dress looked perfect, it was tight and made my butt and boobs look huge, and these high heels made my legs look a mile long. I smiled slightly actually happy with the way I looked tonight. I turned around and looked back into the mirror checking out the back of my hair. My brown hair fell down my mid-back in loose curls. I shook my hair gently and walked over to my dresser to get my lotion. I sat down on the bed and applied lotion on my arms and legs.
I glanced at the clock and saw it was barely 8:10. I still had time. I put my lotion back and applied deodorant and my favorite perfume on. I searched for my cream colored clutch and began filling it with my cell phone, ID, lip-gloss, and my house key. I turned off the TV and passed by the mirror one more time making sure I looked okay. Hopefully Andrew would be pleased.
I turned off my light and opened up the door heading downstairs. I could hear the TV on in the living room. I reached the last few steps and peered into the living room. Jason was sitting on the couch watching TV. I walked into the room and sat down on the small armchair next to the couch. He looked up and smiled at me.
“Hey Annabelle. Wow you look stunning!” Jason smiled.
“Thanks Jason. You look nice too.” I said honestly.
“Thanks,” he smiled picking up his phone that was next to him. “So we’re just waiting for Harry, Zayn, and Lacey. Then I’m gonna go. What time are you going?” Jason asked typing something into his phone.
“Um Andrew is supposed to pick me up at 9, which is in about half an hour.” I responded looking at the time. He nodded and continued typing on his phone.
Not a moment after, I heard heels walking down the stairs. I turned and saw Lacey walking gracefully towards the kitchen. She was wearing a very tight black and silver dress that hugged every curve on her body perfectly, she had on silver stilettos that made her legs look long, really long. Her blonde hair was wavy and she had on black long feather earrings and bright red lipstick. To top it all off she had silver eye shadow and a silver clutch.
I turned back around and let out a sigh. As always Lacey looked flawless, and if anything she was going to get Harry’s attention. Wait what? Did I really just say that?! Why do I care if she gets Harry’s attention? He’s just a really good friend. I can’t like him. I’m a mess and he doesn’t need to be pulled into this lifestyle anymore then he already is.
I quickly shook away these stupid thoughts and took a deep breath. Tonight I was determined to have an awesome night. For once I want to be carefree. I’m sick and tired of being so unhappy all the time. Tonight I’m going to let loose and have FUN! That’s all I’m going to care about tonight. I stood up and walked straight into the kitchen where Lacey was. She was reaching into the liquor cabinet, usually Jason would have stopped her but my dad and step mom were out so he didn’t care.
Lacey’s head snapped towards me and she quickly and her eyes widened in shock. I guess she was surprised to see me all dressed up and not in a hoddie and pair of jeans? I smirked to myself and walked over to where Lacey was, I pushed her over slightly and grabbed the tequila from the top shelf.
“What are you doing?” Lacey asked as I walked over to the island in the middle of the kitchen.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m going to have a shot. Or two… maybe three.” I smiled opening up the bottle.
“But, you don’t drink.” she said walking over to me.
“Well tonight I am.” I said looking up at her. “Get some shot glasses.” I ordered not caring if she snapped back. I was waiting for her to protest, but instead she walked over to the cabinets getting the shot glasses. I smiled smugly and turned back to the tequila.
“Jason do you want one?” Lacey called.
“Want what?” he asked getting up. Just then there was a knock on the door. My head shot up and I looked in the direction of the living room. “Hey man!” Jason greeted opening the door. I tried to look casual since I knew any moment now Harry would turn that corner.
And just like I’d predicted, he entered the kitchen along with Jason and Zayn. As soon as our eyes met they widened and he swallowed hard, slowly checking me out whilst licking his lips nervously. I blushed and turned back to where Lacey was. She was standing opposite of me and had three shot glasses. She smiled at Harry and batted her eyelashes just as he approached the island.
“Hey Harry.” Lacey smiled seductively.
“Uh, Hi Lacey.” Harry said sounding uninterested.
“Do you guys want some?” I asked gesturing toward the bottle in my hands.
“Sure.” Zayn responded smiling at me. I smiled back and walked over to where Lacey and first got the shot glasses. I took out two more and walked back to the island. I placed them on the counter and began to pour the tequila in the glasses.
Lacey handed me the other glasses and I filled those up quickly. Once all the glasses were filled I went to the refrigerator and took out two lemons and grabbing a knife on my way back to the island. I cut the lemons in halves before handing them out.
“I don’t need one. Designated driver remember?” Jason smiled handing his to Lacey. I smiled back and shrugged grabbing the salt and licking the skin between my index finger and thumb on my left hand.
“Suit yourself.” I smirked putting some salt on the place I licked. I grabbed my slice of lemon with my left hand and grabbed my shot glass waiting for everyone to get ready. A few moments later we all threw our heads back downing the shot and licking the salt off our hands.
I bit into my lemon just as the liquid burned the back of my throat. I shook my head and set my glass down along with everyone else. I heard my phone go off and I quickly answered it not looking at the collar ID.
“Hello?” I asked holding the phone to my ear.
“I’m on my way. Be ready.” Andrew said quickly before hanging up. I pulled the phone away and rolled my eyes.
“Another round before we go?” Lacey asked taking the bottle from in front of me and pouring her some. We all nodded and held out our glasses. We all prepared again and downed the shot. I smiled and looked over at Harry who was smiling back at me. I gave him a wink and turned away toward the sink grabbing my glass. I quickly washed the glass and put it back.
“So Are we leaving now or…” Lacey asked looking over at Jason.
“Uh yeah I guess. Annabelle when are you leaving again?” Jason asked looking toward me. Just then my phone flashed and I answered the text quickly.
“Right now actually. Bye guys, see you there.” I smiled walking out of the kitchen and toward the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out into the cold air. I shivered slightly and shut the door behind me putting my phone back in my clutch. I walked down the driveway and toward Andrew’s car. I opened up the door and got in not making eye contact with him. I was still completely pissed off at him and wasn’t going to break down. I just had to get through tonight.
“Wow, Annabelle you look hot.” Andrew said sounding surprised. I turned looking at him and saw him smirking as he checked me out. “Great job, you actually look good.” He looked me in the eye and smiled before driving off.
I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue trying not to say anything. Tonight was suppose to be a good night. I deserved at least one good fucking night.
I don’t like this chapter though -________- But here it is lol
Hope you liked it? Feedback? Comments?
lol I’ve decided to update tonight :3 since tomorrow i’m going to be busy and won’t be able to update tomorrow night like i said.
SOOOOO, like this if you want me to post the next chapter of Save Me.
I’ll only update if i get at least 5 likes kk? :D
Love you guys :p